Can Self-Compassion Make You a Better Leader?

Alongside better relationships and physical health, they tend to experience less anxiety and depression. They also have the resilience needed to cope with stressful life events such as divorce, health crises, and academic failure. It’s even thought that self-compassion can help combat trauma.

What is Self-Compassion? 

‘Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others’ — Christopher Germer

Germer’s right. Self-compassion means treating yourself as you would a friend or colleague. If they were facing a setback or challenge, how would you talk to them? What advice would you give? How would you help them stay motivated?

‘Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?’ – Dr Kristen Neff

So, Can Self-Compassion Make You a Better Leader? 

I believe it can, yes. The benefits of self-compassion align with several key leadership skills:

• Emotional Intelligence - Studies indicate people who exercise self-compassion have higher levels of emotional intelligence. As well as experiencing more happiness and optimism, they’re able to remain calm when flustered.
• Resilience - Self-compassion supports you as you navigate setbacks at work, helping you gain clarity so you can move forward productively.
• Growth Mindset - Studies indicate self-compassionate people are more oriented towards personal growth. {You can read more about the importance of mindset here.}
• Compassion for Others - Self-compassion and compassion for others are closely linked. Leaders who can model both these things build trust and psychological safety that leads to higher engagement and sustainable high performance in teams and organisations.

How to Build Your Capacity for Self-Compassion

It sounds straightforward, but self-compassion is something many people struggle with. The good news is our brains are very malleable. Neuroplasticity – the brain's ability to reorganise itself by forming new neural connections throughout life – means what we think and pay attention to changes the structures and functions of our brain. By dedicating time regularly to build our capacity for self-compassion, we can train our brains to lean towards self-kindness, making it an easier and more habitual response when things are tough.

Throughout your working day, whenever you have 20 seconds to spare, try this short exercise:

1. Ask yourself ‘what am I feeling right now?’ By being mindful and aware of, but not overwhelmed by, your own emotions you’re able to make decisions with more clarity and wisdom.
2. Ask yourself ‘what would be kind right now?’ Remember, treating yourself well is essential for your own motivation and your capacity to help others.

Journaling can also help. Try writing an encouraging letter to yourself from your inner compassionate voice. Use the following prompts:

• What would your inner mentor say about the challenges you’re facing?
• What might they suggest and how would they encourage you?
• What would you tell a friend who is struggling with a similar situation?

Another thing I’ve encouraged clients to do is to consider replacing the word ‘need’ with ‘want’ when talking about tasks on their to-do list. ‘This week I need to update my website, I need to make contact with X and I need to sort out Y’ sounds heavy and pressured. In contrast, ‘this week I want to update my website, I want to make contact with X and I want to sort out Y’ feels positive and shifts control back to you. It’s a simple change, but it’s a great way to show yourself compassion. How you talk to yourself matters and can have a huge impact on your work.

If You Do One Thing This Week

Try the exercises outlined above. It may take a while to notice any benefits, but if you can keep repeating the practice, you’ll begin to form a healthy self-compassion habit.

Further Reading/Watching/Listening

• self-compassion.org
• The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion

Val